In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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