my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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