i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
