Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
