i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize