We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
