These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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