The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
