that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
