What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
