I puked a lego.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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