now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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