The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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