I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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