now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
