I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize