currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
