Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
