she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
