I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
