Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
