i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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