she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
