i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
