had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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