if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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