He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
