your room smells of hookers.
And success
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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