oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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