I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am naked and annoyed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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