There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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