If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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