mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
