I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
