He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
