grandma shit on top of the toilet
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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