oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
