Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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