I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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