wat bout pragnant strippers??
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
