Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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