You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
