she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
