Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
