you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
