he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
