The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
