she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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