He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
