So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
