oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
