he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
