dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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