Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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