New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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