i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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