Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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