I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How external is "for external use only"?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
