Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
