It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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