how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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