I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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