but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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