you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
