Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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