what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
