Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
