Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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