I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
