new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
