just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
