Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
