dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
