Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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