you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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